by KJ Hays
lay it out. lay out all of the blood.
take no wrists with your earnest savagery.
tell about the fat girl nice enough
to hump you on the edge of a futon.
tell 'em it fell over. tell 'em
you said lean & she leaned & the
two of you didn't budge a single inch
like witnesses to a drive-by stabbing.
love the others there.
love their wound up guts out.
love them with lies from your
past. the good ones that use
words such as happy/love/please/
weep the tears not possible
when you were alive because
of numbness & coin & quiet.
weep 'em on her shoulder hard.
sob them on his shoulder hard.
cry long after they walk off.
do not take their shit about
opening up your body to play
the rows of golden harp strings.
crumple to signal your wholesale
emotional shutdown for your time
in the wheelchair, for your time
being called a callous monster,
for your time going so so cold,
for your time when no one kept
their broken trust with you for
a short while until their car &
pancakes lives came down soft &
sticky all over the conversation.
pant under the hot scrutiny of
their disgust at your not crucifying
yourself, at your not starving yourself,
at your not marrying the first thing to
fuck at you, at your not listening when
the one tender voice wanted to help you
& all you did was get mad for having to
wait for your inner ear to stop wiggling.
hold your hands to them. show 'em the
cuts from the dishes, from the weights
in the yard, from the broom handle, from
the rats you tried to keep; from the slips
with the hammer, from the fingernails that
wanted you awake way past two in the morning.
tell 'em they can take that line of yellow
wires and shove it around their necks until
their big bloated lips match the night sky.
fail, at your goal of resting, by greeting death in your bed &
you should be able to sneak by the way the promise that this
will not hurt disburdens you of the fact that pain is all the time.
lay yourself out. lay yourself down softly under the snuggle covers.
- ► 2010 (224)
- Whiskey and tooth pain
- The Peahen
- AFTER THE MURDER AT THE HOLOCAUST MUSEUM
- DAYS BEFORE THE DAY OF THE LONGEST LIGHT
- WALKING BACK FROM BALLET, JUNE 17
- "Just Remember to Translate Your Hand Movements In...
- BLACK RAIN, HIROSHIMA
- SHE SAID THE GEESE
- IN THE VA HOSPITAL
- Night Moves
- Ten Gallon Hat Dance
- cribnotes for paradise's tribunal
- SOME LOVERS
- PASSING ARLINGTON CENTER
- OTHER LOVERS
- "Down at the J and Flying"
- "Words of the Unprofound"
- FORCING BUDS
- Duck Hunt
- That Person
- Honeymoon in the Garden Apartment
- UNHOLY BOWLING
- “INDEED, WHY DIDN’T WE?”
- WHY DIDN’T WE?
- REMEMBERING LATER IT’S THE ANNIVERSARY OF WHEN MY ...
- get it together
- LIKE FALLING MADLY IN LUST WHEN JUST HEARING A DEA...
- I’M GLAD YOU ARE AT PEACE
- I STARTED OUT ON BURGUNDY
- Once Southbound
- Country Cafeteria
- The Freeway to the Interior
- Private Moon
- spiders and crows
- WOULDN'T YOU LOVE TO HAVE ME
- Poem For A Political Poet
- emily dickinson’s attic
- June and July 1968 Revisited
- my folks
- THAT DAY, MY BIRTHDAY
- against forgetting
- “Kingless Days”
- Living with Jesus
- ▼ November (46)